


Heartbroken

by Aifrit



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Embarrassment, F/F, Heartache
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 04:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15622854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aifrit/pseuds/Aifrit
Summary: This doesn't make sense. It hasn't been edited. Vent fic. Might delete later.





	Heartbroken

Emotional pain is a weird thing, isn’t it? Something happens, you see something you can’t handle, can’t really process, and it feels like a punch to the gut. Except the punch isn’t physical. It’s… metaphorical almost. It hurts a lot, but not physically. At least not in the traditional physical way. The punch just stays there, doesn’t go away immediately. It just… hurts. Like a throbbing and dull ache in the pit of your stomach, like a searing flame that won’t burn out.

It hurts.

Monika sits across from you on the bed, cross-legged and eyes somber. “Do you wanna talk?”

You look away. “I don’t know.”

“I think you do know.”

She’s right, always right. You do.

Monika scoots closer, knocking her knees into yours. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

You shake your head and sigh. The flame in your belly still burns and aches. It’s not subsiding. What else are you gonna do anyway?

“Okay.”

She smiles and nods, reaching forward to caress your cheek and jawline. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I told you what happened already,” you whisper, tilting your head to the side.

Monika mimics you. “Okay. That’s okay. So tell me what you’re feeling?”

You suppose you can do that. Sighing, your eyes dart around the room before settling on Monika’s. “I feel like shit.”

Monika nods slowly, seemingly encouraging more.

“I feel like shit. Just actual, literal shit. Again. For the third fucking time. I just… why do I keep putting myself through this?” You can feel the tears sting your already puffy eyes.

It’s difficult being vulnerable like this — putting your heart on the line and hoping no one will stomp on it, and feeling embarrassed because you’ve succumbed to feelings yet again. Fuck this feeling honestly. Fuck everything, fuck the world, fuck her even.

But not Monika. Never Monika. She’s always here for you, even during your worst fuck-ups. You never know how she deals with your shit.

“I should have known. Like… the signs were all there. I should have just known. Should have known it was too good to be true.”

“Hey. Don’t beat yourself up about it,” Monika coos, cupping your cheek. “It’s not bad to want something with someone. You know that.”

“Yeah, but-”

She gives you a stern look. “I’m serious. Maybe it didn’t work now. Maybe you hesitated and didn’t make the correct decisions. Or maybe it will never work out…”

You wince.

“But… Just remember that it’s not the end of the world, okay? It’s okay to feel sad about it, you know? That’s okay. You can feel sad, be upset about it, cry even. It’s all normal.”

The void in the pit of your stomach still exists and it still aches, but it’s at least bearable with Monika. She always makes you feel good, make you feel alive and normal. God…

She wraps her arms around your neck to pull you closer. “Hey. Just take a breath, okay? It’ll be fine. I promise. No negativity, you hear?”

“Okay.” You fall into her so hard you’re lying on top of her on the bed. You bury your face in her neck and feel the first tears roll across your nose and cheek. “I’m sick of this. Fucking sick of it.” The pain intensifies. It’s unbearable, embarrassing, just plain dumb. Disgusting. You feel like, even for just a minute, you’d be perfectly okay with dying. It wouldn’t matter, would it? Why bother trying anymore?

“Shhh… it’s okay,” she coos, rubbing your head. “Just lie here with me, okay?”

Your throat closes up and you can’t speak. It’s probably better not to. Not now. You’re in pain. That punch to the gut lingers, festers. You lie there, events repreating over and over in your head. They need to go. Why can’t they just go, just leave forever? Fuck them, fuck everything.

“Hey…” Monika starts, rubbing your back. “You’re okay now. You’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”

It’s comforting, hearing those words. She’s there for you, has always been there for you, and it makes the pain that much more bearable. You screw your eyes shut. The flame inside your burns, yet and still, but you can feel it dissipating, little by little.

**Author's Note:**

> This is personal. But I guess my thought process here was Monika being a personification of the rational and good part of MC's subconscious. Like I said, it probably doesn't make too much sense.


End file.
